Well, it seems like I stop and start working on this blog. I usually have much to say, don't know if people really want to read it. But often I write things here for my own benefit, to remember specific events, or to just get things out in black and white - it helps me process things.
So the big news in the past few months is that my son is officially deployed. I'm not quite sure how I like this new normal in my life. Parts of it are downright scary; and other parts - I've already seen the hand of God working. Trying to balance those two - well, that's a difficult task.
Faith and fear do not mix. If I am fearful, then that means that I don't have enough faith in Christ. The Bible tells us not to be afraid. In alot of different places. The whole idea about not being afraid is so that we give our cares to God. Well, that's kind of easy - sure, I can give my cares to God. But I find myself taking those fears back when I allow myself to worry about the situation. So I give the fear (in this case, the well being and safety of my son) back to God. It's pretty weird...because in all candor, there's not a darn thing that I can do.
Which brings me to another facet of this whole deployment and fear vs. faith. As the mom of this young man who is now in harm's way, I have brought him up (with the help of my husband, and under the guidance of the Lord); cared for him, nurtured him...listen to him rant and rave about different things, etc....and now...the US Army has sent him off to war. I can't take care of him anymore. Heck, last February when we had the snow storms here, he stayed at our house, and my husband drove him into work because the roads were so bad. (Icy roads and inexperienced Oklahoma drivers make for very dangerous travel!) I made sure he had a lunch to take in, a travel mug of coffee, etc - generally took care of him. Why? Because even though he has graduated from college with honor after serving a year deployment in Iraq, he is still my little boy. That part of a mother's heart is still intact - he is still my little boy. And, as I suspect, he will always be my little boy. I don't think it will ever be anything different. Now, please, before you criticize...yes, he is an independent young man, has his own place, a good job with the state, a good citizen. But...as a family, we stick together when one of us needs help.
So now, my little boy is in harm's way. There's nothing I can do to control that, nor is there anything that I can do to protect him. Except....
Pray. And leave him in the Father's hands. But...wow...that is hard to do sometimes! But that is what we are commanded to do. Philippians 4:6 says this: "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."
That is our commandment. Be anxious for nothing. We are to take our cares to God...in prayer and supplication with thanksgiving! If you are thankful for something, it makes being anxious less hard. Counting your blessings allows you to take your focus off what you don't have (or what you are anxious about); and puts the focus back on what you do have. (Being thankful).
Verse 8 says this: "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things."
I LOVE THIS VERSE. Think about whatever things are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report....that pretty much erases the whole "What if...." game that we as women love to play. What if the worse thing happens to our sons? What if....? What if "this" happens? The "what ifs" are not true (yet). So as long as they are "what ifs", we are not to think about them. The same with noble, just, pure, lovely - don't think about those things that are the opposite. I've had to rid my life and heart of things (and people, I might add) that add a negative connotation to my life. It's sad...but had to be done. I can't have fellowship with those who choose to talk to me about things that are not glorifying the Lord. I can't have fellowship with those who want to warp my mind (after all, the mind is where the battle is) with all kinds of impure thoughts. I just can't do it anymore.
During this time of deployment, associated concerns and the battle between giving it to God and taking it back, I just cannot handle much more. Recognize that in yourself...if you can't handle it, then get rid of it. Perhaps later, when the deployment is over, you may have more to give to someone else. I know for me, at this moment...in order for me to stay afloat, and to be godly, I have to cut out alot of negativity.
And, so Philippians 4:13 is my verse for the next year: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." That about sums it up!
